I somewhat live in a pretend calm and make belief peace, hiding from all... yet from time to time i will be confronted again by the fact i cannot stay this way. i was in bed... tears streaming as i was unable to stop trembling.. stuck and afraid... metaphorical images of blood, war and violence start appearing in my head (you don't want to know what my nightmares are like lol)

I suddenly felt like creating a picture... one with lots of flesh and blood like some of the things that occasionally haunt and petrify me at night... (i wish my older sister didn't make me watch with her "The night of the living dead" when i was only a very young teen. cos now when I am stressed i get graphic nightmares with lots of flesh, bone and blood involved.

I'm too scared to produce a picture that might make me feel sick... somehow a different picture resulted but the effects are similar... in these images many words went though my mind and now there's a prose added to the project ....

Guess I'm happy i didn't need to use very violent images to portray how I've been feeling. Complex--Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I'm very much trapped at home unable to live a normal life because past memories haunt me wherever i go... the memories will never go away. The only way to get my life back is to face and overcome the past that has been tying me down...

I was really sick yesterday.. my body seem to physically fall apart every time I am confronted with the memories